Posted on 2009.09.21 at 15:59
Current Location: D.'s Place
Current Mood: 
content
Current Music: Pink Martini - Amado Mio
Well, I am still here at D.'s place and quite happy. Waiting for B. & B. to bring my things to me. Still looking for my own place.
Not much else to report as of now...
Posted on 2009.09.17 at 06:50
Current Location: D.'s Place
Current Mood: ecstatic
Current Music: Debarge - Rythm of the Night
Tags: d., oregon, wuv
Well, here I am once again in Albany, Oregon. How I got here is a little bizzare, but the end result is that I got into the life once more of 'the one who got away'. D. and I have basically been inseperable ever since. Excapt when she has to work. And when she is getting her car workled on. And when I spend time at my sister's on my own. Well, we spend more time together than apart, and that is AWESOME to me.
We have basically taken up again where we left off, as well as becoming more physically intimate than we ever were before. I would pretty much not change a thing, but I am still looking for my own living quarters. I am not having a ton of luck there, but I am still trying!
Posted on 2009.07.23 at 02:30
Current Location: on a sea of memory
Current Mood: awake
Current Music: Muse -H.A.A.R.P. (live)
Tags: memories, songs
Follow through
Make your dreams come true
Don't give up the fight
It will be alright
'Cause there's no one like you
In the Universe
Don't be afraid
Of what your mind conceives
You should make a stand
Stand up for what you believe
And tonight we can truly say
Together, we're Invincible
During the struggles they will pull us down
But, please, please let's use this chance to turn things around
And tonight, we can truly say
Together, we're Invincible
Do it on your own
It makes no difference to me
What you leave behind
And what you choose to be
And whatever they say
Your soul's unbreakable
During the struggles they will pull us down
But, please, please let's use this chance to turn things around
And tonight, we can truly say
Together, we're Invincible
Together, we're Invincible
During the struggles they will pull us down
But, please, please let's use this chance to turn things around
And tonight, we can truly say
Together, we're Invincible
Together, we're Invincible -MUSE
Posted on 2009.06.08 at 22:59
I escaped from the Dungeon of Sandpapertiger!
I killed Lurkitty the cockatrice and Coriia the rat.
I looted the Axe of Ccunnings, the Wand of Mixed Drinks, the Axe of Moon Kitten, the Dagger of the Faint, the Sword of Akira, the Axe of Harlan Ellison, the Shield of Redtheda, the Dagger of Brokenbuddha, the Armour of Muse, the Sword of Anime, the Armour of Peter Jackson, the Sword of Tobacco, a Figurine of Ssha, the Sceptre of Neil Stevenson and 7 gold pieces.
Score: 82
Explore the Dungeon of Sandpapertiger and try to beat this score,
or enter your username to generate and explore your own dungeon...
Posted on 2009.04.24 at 00:32
Current Location: Kittie
Current Mood: 
angry
Current Music: Leonard Cohen - The Future (Album)
Well, for starters, my Video Card is, for all gaming intents and purposes, DEAD.
I do not get paid until after the 1st, and my bank account is empty.
I was denied my Finger-Print Clearance card for my volunteer hours. I have to appeal the decision, and this is all from a *cursed* MISDEMEANOR I got at age 18. *growl*
Posted on 2009.01.22 at 00:26
Current Location: Kittie
Current Mood: aggravated
Current Music: Massive Attack: Collected
Tags: os, vista, xp
I 'downgraded' to Windows XP Home as opposed to Vista.
MUUUCH faster.
Better internet connection.
(hopefully) more stable as a gaming platform.
That is all.
Posted on 2009.01.19 at 19:18
Current Location: Kittie
Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: Massive Attack - Collected
Tags: football, sports
The Cardinals made it all the way to the Big Show!
W00T!
Posted on 2009.01.11 at 23:29
Current Location: Kittie
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Massive Attack - Collected
Tags: football, sports
We made it to Round 3 of the playoffs! I say 'pshaw' to all the pundits who dissed the Cardinals, and the Fox Sports guys who all said the Carolina Panthers were a 'shoo-in'.
Now, the team faces the Eagles at home, and the NFC Championship game is a sell-out.
One thing going for us is the fact that we do not have to face the Giants on the road (who beat us both times we faced them).
All I can say is, GO CARDS!
^_^
Posted on 2008.12.14 at 21:53
Current Location: Kittie
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Skinny Puppy - The Choke (Re-Grip)
Tags: memes, okcupid, tests
Your result for The Calvin Or Hobbes Test...
A Bit Of Both
Calvin & Hobbes, like a scruffy yin and yang, are in perfect balance within you. Like Calvin, you're weird, a bit insecure, and can be a trouble-maker. But like Hobbes, you're down to earth and sensitive. It's a risk to say it here, after just a ten question test, but I'll bet you're smarter than most. Both Calvin and Hobbes are crafty, clever characters, and any one made from equal parts of each is a force to be reckoned with.
Take The Calvin Or Hobbes Test at HelloQuizzy
Posted on 2008.12.14 at 21:39
Current Location: Kittie
Current Mood: 
bouncy
Current Music: Otep - Ghostflowers
Tags: memes, okcupid, tests
Your result for The Indie Test...
Indie-god
You are the type of person who will perhaps read the whole works of an author if an artist you respect name-checks them in a few songs. You are perhaps the type of person who will stand at the front of a music concert with a look of concentrated concern on your face while indie-kid gets drunk and dances. Your knowledge of the influences of the artists you listen to gives you a greater respect and knowledge of the context in which the music you listen to is grounded. Well done - you are truly an indie-god.
Take The Indie Test at HelloQuizzy
Posted on 2008.12.06 at 14:09
Current Location: Kittie
Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: Ministry, Welcome to the Fall
Tags: memes
 Dear Santa...
Dear Santa,
This year I've been busy!
Last Friday I put money in ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) coriia's expired parking meter (14 points). Last Monday I had a shoot-out with rival gang lords on the 5 near LA (-76 points). Last month I caught a purse-snatcher who stole moon_kitten's purse (30 points). In March I got in line at the supermarket at the same time as someone else and I didn't yield (-8 points). In July I turned leatherboy in for eating carbs (3 points).
Overall, I've been naughty (-37 points). For Christmas I deserve a spanking!
Sincerely,
Sandpapertiger |
Posted on 2008.10.13 at 12:17
Current Location: Kittie
Current Mood: awake
Current Music: NIN - The Fragile (Left)
Tags: b.
The Fragile, by Nine Inch Nails
She shines in a world full of uglyness
She matters when everything is meaningless
Fragile - She doesn't see her beauty
She tries to get away
Sometimes it's just that nothing
Seems worth saving
I can't watch her slip away
I won't let you fall apart
I won't let you fall apart
I won't let you fall apart
I won't let you fall apart
She reads the minds of all the people
As they pass her by
Hoping someone will see
If I could fix myself I'd...
But it's too late for me
I won't let you fall apart
I won't let you fall apart
I won't let you fall apart
I won't let you fall apart
We'll find the perfect place to go
Where we can run and hide
I'll build a wall and we can keep them on the other side
But they keep waiting, and picking, and picking, and picking...
There's something I have to do
I was there too
Before everything else
I was like you -
Posted on 2008.06.13 at 17:41
Current Location: Kittie
Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: Muse: H.A.A.R.P. (live album)
I got my Medicare card in the mail!
I get my first SSD check next week!
I like exclamation points!
(oh, and I am a new World of Warcraft player... =P)
Posted on 2008.05.19 at 15:23
Current Location: Kittie
Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: Beastie Boys: Paul's Botique
Tags: baseball, ssd/ssi, wal-mart
Well, things are looking up a little bit for SPT. I am in the process of getting information to SSI to start getting checks for both back-payment and current benefits.
I got to see my first baseball game in person - D-Backs vs Tigers. It was a great game, and I had a blast! I want to go again this season...
I am mulling over how to deal with Wal-Mart. I think I will put in my 2 week's notice and get another check or 2 before I get my 'Economic Stimulus' check and (hopefully) my Financial Aid for Summer term.
Posted on 2008.04.15 at 02:17
Current Location: Kittie
Current Mood: 
contemplative
Current Music: nothing
Tags: memes
After you die...
Guardian Angel
After death, you will exist as a guardian angel in order to protect your still-living loved ones. You might even inspire a classic Christmas movie.
|
|
Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com
|
Posted on 2008.04.15 at 01:57
Current Location: Kittie
Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: Leonard Cohen - The Best Of (album)
Tags: b., ministry
Saw their farewell tour. Was ASWESOME for me. Not so much for B. Meshuggah, the 2nd opening act, gave her a headache, and me as well. I also could not understand a word the singer was saying.
But they did like 5 songs that I knew, as well as a TON of new stuff I had not gotten to hear.
I will never forget the show.
Posted on 2008.03.30 at 03:51
Current Location: Kittie
Current Mood: 
cold
Current Music: The Faint - Agenda Suicide (Jagz Kooner Remix)
Tags: lyrics, music
You can follow logic
Or contest it all
The Work Solution
Makes the common house a home
The element of progress
That you meant is gone
It De-Evolved
To something you were headed towards
As I lay there dying the things I think:
Did I waste my time? I think I did
To work for life
All I want is just pretty little homes
Our work makes pretty little homes
All I want is just pretty little homes
Our work makes pretty little homes
Light can cast shadow
Like a Father's dream
And the gun outside was the work's disease
To get that pretty little home
As I lay there dying the things I think
I don't want to regret what I did
And work for life
All I want is just pretty little homes
Our work makes pretty little homes
Agenda Suicide
The Drones work hard before they die
And give up their pretty little homes
Agenda Suicide
The Drones work hard before they die
And give up their pretty little homes
(*AAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHH*)
Light can cast shadow -
The Faint
Posted on 2008.03.30 at 03:34
Current Location: Kittie
Current Mood: melancholy
Current Music: tv in the bedroom
Tags: dlc, my son
I miss him greater than I could ever say. He looks to be growing into a wonderful human being, but I miss him in my life.
He does not answer my voicemail, but he is on Myspace.
I hope he hears me and responds as soon as he can.
*sob*
Posted on 2008.03.14 at 01:30
Current Location: Kittie
Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: Marilyn Manson: Antichrist Superstar (Album)
Tags: b. & b., des, disability, kittie
I finally got my salary changed at Wal-Mart. I had fun at the Renaissance Fair with B. especially the Pleasure Feast (7 courses of nice food). No word from the judge on my Disability case, what a surprise...
Today, I went to the 'Department of Economic Security' (Welfare) for my interview for Health Insurance and Food Benefits. They ticked me off quite a bit, and it colored the rest of my day.
I want to share things with B., but she seems closed off to new things sometimes. Also, she is riding my ass about school, but the more she does, the worse I get all tangled up in my mind, and cannot concentrate on it. I know I need to get caught up, but it is very hard for me sometimes.
Kittie has a fan making a lot of noise, and I do not know which one it is. I guess it is time for a trip to the Repair Shop, at least to diagnose the noise and get some more case fans installed. I should have done so when I got the power supply and video card installed, anyway.
I am having trouble with my libido lately, and I do not know what is causing it. Still pisses me off, and hurts B.'s feelings and gets her all defensive.
B. is out of the hospital now, and we are glad to have him home. Might be awhile before he goes out with us again, though. :(
I splurged and got an 80 gig I-Pod, which I pretty much love to pieces. The only thing about it is I need more playlists so I can find the album/song/artist I want easier. That is pretty easily remedied, though.
Posted on 2008.03.07 at 02:14
Current Location: Kittie
Current Mood: awake
Current Music: Marilyn Manson: Antichrist Superstar (Album)
Tags: b. & b.
Crappy things - B. i8s in the Hospital, but B. is at home waiting for me in bed.
No answer from the SSD/SSI hearing I had (YET!)
Working for $7.90 (STILL) at Wal-Mart.
Good things - Got a shipment from BMG today, including what I am currently listening to, but also including: Violent Femmes (Remastered w/ bonus material!)
Godsmack - Self-titled.
Staind - Singles 1996-2006
Nine Inch Nails - Year Zero
Jane's Addiction - Ritual De Lo Habitual
Getting new glasses (FINALLY!) with Transitions lenses (Change from light to dark in sunlight)
Got paid, and did NOT go to the Casino. Not planning on it, either.
New PC Gamer came out.
Posted on 2008.02.13 at 16:06
Current Location: Kittie
Current Mood: hopeful
Current Music: none at the moment
Tags: b-day, so-so
Still working at Wal-Mart.
No judgment yet on my disability case.
Got 1(!) phone call (from my mother)
Nothing in the mail for me - good or bad.
Got 1 LJ comment on my birthday (from Violachef; in an old post)
None of my friends are home to return my calls.
Got a card from my household, but none from my family (not even Mom)
This is, thus far, a mediocre birthday: hopefully, it gets better.
Posted on 2008.02.05 at 11:01
Current Location: Kittie
Current Mood: awake
Current Music: Tori Amos - From the Choirgirl Hotel(album)
Tags: b., meds, school
Waiting seems to be most of what I do with my time these days. Waiting for meals, waiting for money, waiting for Godot...
Today, I am waiting for B. to (hopefully) call or come home for lunch so I can get my meds filled at Walgreens. I am also waiting for the mail, so I can see if Fry's Electronics forwarded me my W-2 (FINALLY) so I can file my taxes (see last parentheses).
On a positive note, I got an extension for my classes, so I can stop fretting SO much about them - however, my NEXT 2 classes start this week, and so not only do I have back assignments, I have CURRENT ones as well... (*bites nails to the quick*).
Planning a trip back to Oregon, to introduce B. to my immediate family. Looking forward to that with cheerful delight!
Enough for this post - SPT out.
Posted on 2008.02.01 at 03:45
Current Location: Kittie
Current Mood: rushed
Current Music: Tori Amos -Under the Pink (album)
Tags: panic, school
I am behind in my classes. *still*. I need to finish up... (counts on fingers) 9 more assignments and hand them in so I can take my finals on Saturday. *OMFG*!
I, therefore, cannot sleep. I also am not in the greatest of standings with the significant
other tonight/today/yesterday/what-the-fuck-EVER.
My stomach is in knots, my mind is racing, and I am scared to my wits' end. This online class thing has been great for about 2 months, but then I started having problems with my mental state and my job; so school went all to hell.
I need to complete these classes or I lose my Financial Aid until I get my completion ratio up again (paying for my own classes, which I CANNOT afford...)
I send out a prayer to the Universe, that I may finish my coursework on time...
Posted on 2008.01.13 at 21:32
Current Location: Kittie
Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: OTEP - The Ascension (Album)
Tags: school, ssd/ssi
Had my hearing. It went as well as I could have possibly hoped for. I am as certain as I can be that they will (FINALLY) rule in my favor. Goodbye boring Wal-Mart job; hell-ooooo sweet, sweet settlement for back-pay! Plus Medicaid eligibility soon, plus more time to devote to school (where I am trying to catch up for now...)
Thanks to all of my well-wishers and good luck favors in the Universe.
Posted on 2007.12.26 at 22:15
Current Location: Kittie
Current Mood: 
blah
Current Music: The Faint - Danse Macabre Remixes (Posed To Death - Calculators Remix)
Well, the holidays have come and (mostly) gone for us this year. Been better, been MUCH worse as well. The major concern that I have is my psychosis seems to be getting worse after several years of being under control. This does not please me at all, nor make me comfortable.
I have recently increased the dosage of one of my key medications, which will (hopefully) fix the problem. If not, then it is in-patient for me. I am frightened of this, but it would possibly be beneficial for both a.) my psychosis and b.) my SSD/SSI case. I have never been in the Psych ward before, but I have survived things so far, and I do not think it would kill me - if necessary.
Posted on 2007.12.18 at 14:37
Current Location: Kittie
Current Mood: 
nervous
Current Music: Faith No More - Who Cares A Lot? (Greates Hits) Disc 1
Tags: lawyers, omfg!, ssd/ssi
I FINALLY have a date for my Disability hearing. It is January 8, 2008 (Almost 2 years after my case was originally filed). I am going over things back and forth with Ms. Lawyer's Assistant, getting all of our ducks in a row, so to speak.
I know that I have friends out here in cyber-space, so some good luck wishes would be most definiatly appreciated on this one, guys and dolls.
Thank you in advance.
-SPT
Posted on 2007.12.02 at 04:35
Current Location: Kittie
Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: Foo Fighters - The Deepest Blues Are Black
Tags: gg
I tried to maintain a friendship with GG despite the wishes of others, but she seems to have cut ties. Therefore I will let one of out favorite bands do the talking for me.
The Last Song
This is the sound
The here and the now
You got to talk to talk to talk to talk to get it all out
I listen
I listen
I listen
But you're out of touch
So out of touch
This is the last song
This is the last song
This is the last song
That I will dedicate to you
Something about
Yeah but I'm still around
You got to walk to walk to walk to to walk to make any ground
You push in
You push in
You push in
But there ain't no room
No there ain't no room
This is the last song
This is the last song
This is the last song
This is the last song
That I will dedicate to you
Made my peace and now I'm through
This is the last song
That I will dedicate to you
Yours is the name
I will never name again
I will never name again
We pretend
It doesn't matter
We pretend it all away
We pretend it all away
We pretend
We pretend
We pretend
But it ain't no use
This is the last song
This is the last song
This is the last song
This is the last song
That I will dedicate to you
Made my peace and now I'm through
This is the last song
That I will dedicate to you
To you
To you - Foo Fighters
Posted on 2007.11.29 at 09:30
Current Location: At my new computer
Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: Ministry: So What (LIVE)
Tags: etc., games, kittie
Well, 'Black Friday' has come and gone for another retail season. I would MUCH rather work at Wal-Mart for that day than Fry's Electronics, though...
I got a lower-end PC than I first thought about. Basic Specs:
AMD Athlon 64X2 5600 processor
3 Gigs of DDR2 800
Dual-layer DVD burner with Lightscribe
Onboard Geforce 6150 video
300 (!?) watt power supply (so I bought a beefier one to get a Radeon HD2600XT in my case - but I [still] need another connector to mount it in my tower and power my processor/fan.)
20 inch widescreen bundled monitor
2-year Performance Service Agreement (if I have a bad enough problem, Fry's will fix it and give me a loaner while it is in the shop.)
$50 mail-in rebate
The main reason I went with the lower-end PC was to pinch some pennies for software like:
Hellgate: London
Supreme Commander
and a select few others when I am more flush (Galactic Civilizations 2 Gold, BioShock, Assassin's Creed, and maybe Crysis)
So far in my classes, I have a high 'A' in my Intro to Computers class and a middle 'C' in my Intro to Business class. I thought I would be doing better there, but I am doing my best work.
Posted on 2007.11.07 at 00:32
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: awake
Current Music: Sistersof Mercy - A Slight Case Of Overbombing (Greatest Hits)
Tags: ' work, 'kittie, school
Well, I am about to get my Financial Aid check (for $3455.81 - w00t!) so it is nearly time for me to get my 'Kittie' (new computer). I have done the whole 'laptop vs desktop' debate, and my friends, I think I have found the desktop system to beat the pants off any laptop that I can afford.
Basic specs:
Intel Viiv Quad-core chip
Blu-Ray/HD DVD reader
Dual layer DVD burner with Lightscribe
640 (!) gig hard drive
TV tuner card/TVR/Remote
Wireless keyboard and mouse
GeForce 8500 with 512 megs of DDR3 (Which I *may* swap out for an ATI Radeon HD 2600 with 512 megs of DDR3)
3 gigs of memory
so, read and weep, my friends... I do not think I will 'need' to upgrade for at least 2, maybe 3 years. And that Combo Drive with its possibilites makes me turgid...
Granted, I will need to add a Samsung 22" widescreen monitor, but, why the hell not?!
Posted on 2007.10.22 at 20:35
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: bouncy
Current Music: NIN - The Downward Spiral (DVD 5.1 audio)
Tags: loved ones, wal-mart
I have now lived over half a year in the deserts of AZ (Tempe and Casa Grande)
and now about 4 months in the mountains of the center of the state (Payson).
I love visiting the Valley of the Sun, but I far prefer to live in the moutins with my chosen family and loved ones, for certain.
I have had some great times, some good times, and some fucking awful times as well. I would not trade them for anything, as I was in a stupid worthless rut in Oregon.
I only know that this is where I am supposed to be at this point in my life.
I got registered for my second online class at Rio Salado Online College, which qualifies me for Stafford Loans (Subsidized and Un). This will get me caught up on old bills from up here, and get me a brand-new Desktop PC (!) to call my own. I already have a name picked out for her. I will name her Kittie.
I will also take my Learner's Permit test in the next week.
I should have my DES Food Benefits tomorrow, as well as my next-to-last check from Taco Hell.
Finally, I start Wal-Mart orientation (I got the job, of course...)
Posted on 2007.10.17 at 16:30
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: Dragonforce - Through the fire and Flames
Tags: etc., work
Well, here it is again - months since my last post. I appologize for this, my LJ friends.
I am happily living in Payson, AZ (*so* much lower in temp than Tempe/the rest of the Valley of the sun...) with B&B. My relationship with them is awesome, and grows better every day.
I am currently working at Taco Bell, [b]but[/b]... I had a great interview and paper-signing at Wal-Mart for a full time job making doughnuts. Not only will it be more hours, it will also be over $1 more an hour. I have been excited about jobs before and all, but this one seems right up my alley.
In other news, my meds have been being futzed with again on a regular basis, with not good results for the most part.
I will post again if/when I begin my Wal-Mart orientation. Until then, I hope that all of you are well and safe.
-SPT
Posted on 2007.07.12 at 19:35
Current Location: The Phoenix Art Institue's lounge
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: MTV U's junk, and the cash register beeps...
Tags: b. & b.
In case any of my LJ friends were wondering, the answer is :
1). Looking for work
2.) Spending time with B. & B.
3). Getting over GG pretty well.
4). Jumping through hoops for my meds and my insurance.
5.) Getting started on a new job that I wish I liked more than I do (but at least the money's ok)
6.) A few things more, other than posting in my LJ...
That is all.
Posted on 2007.07.10 at 08:52
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: TV noises
Tags: job
Got a job at a manufacturing plant in Payson AZ. I will help with quality control and packaging for roofing shingles. Fun times!
If/when I get past my 90 day probationary period, I will be eligible for health and life insurance. I start at around $9.50 an hour, WOOT!
Obviously, I am now living in Payson, not Casa Grande. I love it here.
Posted on 2007.06.20 at 20:21
Current Location: K's house
Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: the sound of K on the phone...
Tags: b., job hunt
I read the first EVAR post of a very dear to me person. I hope that she starts this on a (somewhat) regular basis, as it made my day a *lot* more awesome.
Other than that, I went to Wal-Mart and gave my 5-year work history to them (only 6 jobs in 5 years! Getting better, my friends...)
Also I went in to the local Taco Bell and did their pre-employment evaluation. I am hoping for the Wal-Mart gig in Payson, but if that does not pan out, I need... *something* for now.
No work from me on the walls today, but I did get a new showerhead and faucet for the tub-a-dub-dub. (hee hee) It also got the water flushed through with the assistance of some drain-cleaner. Now, I just might be abe to bathe at 'home' for reals! /dances with glee
That is all.
-SPT
Posted on 2007.06.20 at 11:43
Current Location: K's house
Current Mood: thankful
Tags: b., job hunt
from my dear B. has come and gone. I am a little bit saddened now, but it was definitely worth it.
I now have a window air conditioner that is better than the nothing I had before yesterday, and 'curtains' as well. Heh.
My place is (almost) livable now - once I get the liging room painted. This is probably going to be an all-day project. Wish me luck, y'all...
-SPT
Posted on 2007.06.18 at 20:30
Current Location: K's house
Current Mood: blah
Current Music: cacaphony in my head
Tags: job-hunt, readthefuckinentry...
Well, I got a call about a job today - in Payson. They need my 5-year work history, though. *sigh*. It will take a litle time to get it all entered in for them, but I guess it's a start.
Then there is the fact that I do not have a place to live there right now. And then there is my current, half-finished domecile (finally got the living room's paint and primer today). Also, I am feeling rather down lately about... prety much everything.
Last night, I was worried that I might do something stupid and harmful to myself. I was doing that bad for a
few hours, actually. Thankfully, it passed.
That is all for now.
-SPT
Posted on 2007.06.17 at 21:10
Current Location: K's house
Current Mood: creative
Current Music: the pitter-patter of my heart...
Tags: b., poetry
O where is my heart
This hot, dark night?
With a Lady most fair
O when did this happen,
And what can I say?
My dear, how I miss thee
O why must this be,
This sweet suffering?
I know reasons many
O who is this Lady,
How did she catch me?
'Tis fate which implores
O what will come
For her and for I?
All is in secrecy - SPT
Posted on 2007.06.17 at 21:07
Current Location: K's house
Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: Franz Ferdinand - Franz Ferdinand (Album)
Tags: job-hunt
Put in 1/2 a ton of applications this weekend - including the local Bowling Alley (12! lanes), Circle K and sundry others.
Got a few other leads that I will check out this coming week.
I am hoping for Circle K or Albertsons to call me (*wish me luck*!)
-SPT
Posted on 2007.06.14 at 22:11
Current Location: Casa Grande
Current Mood: anxious
Tags: b. & b.
Well, I am back 'home' again. I am a little bit sad about this, but I should be back with B. & B. on Saturday. This makes me rather happy.
I had a wonderful time with B. & B. at the party, after the party, at the hotel (no whirlpool though - *sob*!) and at their place for B.'s birthday.
I have applied for a few new jobs so far - Wal-Mart in Payson and Albertsons in Casa Grande. I hope to hear back from them soon.
I do not know what else to say at the moment, other than I hope that tomorrow brings good news.
-SPT
Posted on 2007.06.09 at 13:41
I get to see B.& B. tonight - and get to spend the weekend with them!
*squee*!
We have a hotel room tonight - with a whirlpool in!
And I am not coming back to Casa Grande until Sunday or Monday.
So likely, no updates to a few days.
But after that, I will give a great account of what my weekend was like.
Posted on 2007.06.08 at 16:53
Current Location: in my pit of despair
Current Mood: Defeated
Current Music: The Swans - Failure
Well, I went to Chili's today for my kitchen tests. I guess I messed them up pretty badly, since they did not offer me a position there.
Also, went to St Vincent De Paul to register for furniture and a food box. They told me to come back on Monday, with a truck.
I talked with a friend today who gave me some good advice, which I promptly ignored. Thank the Universe that there were no new posts on her journal to get me upset again.
I feel like I am not doing anything correctly right now. I know that this is because of the job thing and the above listed things, but I also feel like I am always wrong for the last few weeks. I know there is no real 'reason' for me to feel this way, but I cannot shake the certainty that I am screwing things up everywhere I go.
*sigh* of sadness...
-SPT
Posted on 2007.06.07 at 18:29
Current Location: in my heart of hearts
Current Mood: blue
Current Music: Beck - Paper Tiger
Tags: gg
Just like a paper tiger
Torn apart by idle hands
Through the helter-skelter morning
Fix yourself while you still can
No more ashes to ashes
No more Cinders from the sky
And all the laws of creation
That tell a dead man how to die
Oh the desert's down below us
And the storms up above
Like a stray-dog unaffected
Like a paper tiger in the sun
Looking through a broken diamond
To make the past what it should be
Through the ruins and the weather
Capsize boats in the sea
Oh the desert's down below us
And the storms up above
Like a stray dog unaffected
Like a paper tiger in the sun
They just hold onto nothing
See how nothing rides
And the desert's down below us
And the storm's up above
Like a stray dog unaffected
Like a paper tiger in the sun
There's one road to the morning
There's one road to the truth
One road back to civilization
But there's no road back to you - Beck
Posted on 2007.06.07 at 18:12
Current Location: dullsville
Current Mood: cold
Current Music: NIN - Reptile
Tags: gg, poetry
You wound me with your pen
your words slice into the
memory of us
I never treated you so harshly
Yet again and again the pain comes
Your coping skills need work
My actions are not perfect
Yet I do not gossip
I do not chew the fat
I have been kind
You have been calculating
Cruel and bitter
You have no power left
Your spell has been broken
I am free once more - SPT
Posted on 2007.06.07 at 16:26
Current Location: Lollapalooza
Current Mood: aggravated
Current Music: Disturbed: Ten Thousand Fists (Album)
Tags: k. b.
I went to St Vincent De Paul today. Their office was closed at 1 PM. I arrived there are 1:05 PM. Couldn't they have at least listened to me?
Then I went to Wendy's for luch with K. They messed up our order (both hers and mine) like 3 times. I can understand 1 or 2 mess-ups, but 3?! How dumb do you have to BE for that?
After lunch, I went to Chili's for my pre-employment test. I found out that today was no good: I have to be there *before* the kitchen opens for a cook test. AAARRRGHHH!
The only saving grace of the day is Coffee tonight with B. and the group. If only she could take me home...
*sigh*
Posted on 2007.06.06 at 01:17
Current Location: rumination land
Current Music: Muse - Time Is Running Out
Tags: gg
I think I'm drowning
Asphixiated
I want to break the spell
That you created
You're something beautiful
A contradiction
I want to play the game
I want the friction
You will be the death of me
Yeah you will be the death of me
Bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it
And our time is running out
And our time is running out
You can't push it underground
You can't stop it screaming out
I wanted freedom
Bound and restricted
I tried to give you up
But I'm addicted
Now that you know I'm trapped
Sense of elation
You'd never dream of breaking this fixation
You will squeeze the life out of me
Bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it
But our time is running out
But our time is running out
You can't push it underground
You can't stop it screaming out
How did it come to this?
Yeah you will suck the life out of me
Bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it
But our time is running out
But our time is running out
You can't push it underground
You can't stop it screaming out
How did it come to this? -Muse
Posted on 2007.06.05 at 18:49
Current Location: K's house
Current Mood: awake
Current Music: Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds -Best Of
Tags: b.
I don't believe in an interventionist God
But I know darlin', that you do
But if I did, I would kneel down and ask Him
Not to intervene when it came to you
Oh not to touch a hair on your head
Leave you as you are
If He felt He had to direct you
Then direct you into my arms
Into my arms, oh Lord
Into my arms, oh Lord
Into my arms, oh Lord
Into my arms
And I don't believe in the existance of angels
But looking at you, I wonder if that's true
But if I did, I would summon them together
And ask them to watch over you
Well to each burn a candle for you,
To make bright and clear your path
And to walk like Christ with grace and love
And guide you into my arms
Into my arms, oh Lord
Into my arms, oh Lord
Into my arms, oh Lord
Into my arms
But I believe in love
And I know that you do, too
And I believe in some kind of path
That we can walk down, me and you
So keep those candles burning
Make her journey bright & pure
That she'll keep returning
Always and evermore
Into my arms, oh Lord
Into my arms, oh Lord
Into my arms, oh Lord
Into my arms - Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds
Posted on 2007.06.05 at 01:20
Current Location: K's house
Current Mood: loved
Current Music: Depche Mode - Exciter (album)
Tags: b.
To the soul's desires, the body listens
What the flesh requires keeps the heart imprisoned
What the spirit seeks, the mind will follow
When the body speaks, all else is hollow
I'm just an Angel
Driving my lane through this world
I'm just a slave here
At the mercy of a girl
Oh I need your tenderness
Oh I need your touch
Oh I dream of wanderings
Oh I pray too much
To the soul's desires, the body listens
What the flesh requires keeps the heart imprisoned
What the spirit seeks, the mind will follow
When the body speaks, all else is hollow
You keep me waiting
For the promise that is mine
Please stop debating
Please stop wasting your time
Oh I need your tenderness
Oh I need your touch
Oh I dream of wanderings
Oh I pray too much - Depeche Mode
Posted on 2007.06.05 at 00:38
Current Location: K's house
Current Mood: content
Current Music: Depche Mode - Playing the Angel (album)
Tags: b.
I see a river,
It's Oceans that I want
You have to give me everything
Everything's not enough
It's my desire
To give myself to you
sometimes...
Sometimes I try, sometimes I lie with you
Sometimes I cry, sometimes I die; it's true
Somewhere I find something that's kind
And I've crossed a line again
A line I drew in sand
Still you give me everything
Everything's not enough
I'm ready but not willing
To give myself to you
sometimes...
Sometimes I try, sometimes I lie with you
Sometimes I cry, sometimes I die; it's true
Somewhere I find something that's kind
Come on over - lay down beside me; and I'll try
Come on over - lay down beside me; and I'll try
And I'll try
I want it all - Depeche Mode
Posted on 2007.06.04 at 23:24
Current Location: K's house
Current Mood: loved
Current Music: Angelic Choir
Tags: b. & b.
Spent the weekend with B. & B. Had a lovely time. She read my thoughts and feelings on Friday night, and so I finally told her that I love her. I could not hide it anymore, and I refuse to lie about my feelings - especially to her/about her.
However, not everyone is happy about things. I will not go into it here, because it is private and our business. I am not happy about all of the repercussions from my visit, though.
Helped clean the house quite a bit. Spent time with B., L. and V. out there as well. Had a nice barbecue and some *great* quiche.
Now I am away from them once more, and saddened. I know that things will not always be this way, but it still sucks that they live so far away from me right now.
*sigh*
Posted on 2007.05.31 at 05:46
Current Location: self-pityville
Current Mood: exhausted
Current Music: Depeche Mode - Shake The Disease
Tags: gg
can't sleep. Too much in my brain and my heart. (the Pepsi binge certianly didn't help, either...)
Tears won't come to cleanse me. The suffering just goes on and on and on...
I need a catharsis. I cannot live this way for much longer. I am thinking of checking into a Hospital, or a Half-way house (most likely the latter.)
All I want is the misery to lessen, because I know that things will eventually get better for me. I *know* this, but it does nothing to assuage my current state.
If there is anything I have learned from this experience, it is that I know what I want, and I know what I need. What I want is to be accepted and appreciated, which is also what I need.
If I ever become a whole person again ( I should say when, but right now I am not so optimistic) I will be sure to set up *ground rules* for everyone to follow, so that I NEVER have to deal with this again.
*SIGH* of exasperation and misery.
-SPT
